


sung and jinnie's no kiss list

by banglix



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based On Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Han Jisung | Han & Hwang Hyunjin are Best Friends, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, IDK IM USING A LOT OF TAGS IM SORRY IM NERVOUS, Lee Felix & Lee Minho | Lee Know are Best Friends, Lee Felix is a sweetheart, Light Angst, Like. Very light, M/M, Miscommunication, Protective Minho, a lot of idols are mentioned so i wont list them all, bc it moves kinda fast, but the enemies is one sided, felix calls hyunjin hyunnie unless hes upset w him, felix gets drunk on white claw very briefly, felix is small and i exaggerate it slightly, jisung calls felix baby a lot, jisung can drive, just so many pet names, like he would kill someone for felix, parks and rec reference at the end, the end is rly fast im sorry, the movie i didnt get a chance to read the book sad face, ummm the formatting might be bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27771679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banglix/pseuds/banglix
Summary: “you can’t,” jisung blurts as his hands flail, gesturing rapidly between hyunjin and felix. “he’s on the list, jinnie.” the words leave jisung’s mouth and he’s in middle school again, eleven years old and watching hyunjin kiss na jaemin on the lips -- on the lips! -- on the soccer field behind the track. his heart clenches and his stomach fills with something hot and ugly.and hyunjin, twenty and unamused, stares back at him.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 12
Kudos: 227
Collections: Hyunfest 2020





	sung and jinnie's no kiss list

the first time hyunjin and jisung fought -- like, really fought, nothing like when they were toddlers babbling nonsensical arguments over the same toy -- it was over a boy. hyunjin was 13 and jisung was 12, finally old enough to hang out by themselves. they had never yelled at each other the way they were then. the tension in hyunjin’s bedroom was thick and he felt his face flushing with anger.

“i told you i was gonna ask him to go on a date with me!” jisung was an angry crier, hyunjin knew, and he could see the tears welling up in his eyes. hyunjin never wanted to be the reason he cried. “why would you kiss him?”

hyunjin didn’t know. he did know, deep down, that he should apologize. his pride tended to get the better of him. _“he_ kissed _me,_ it’s not my fault he likes me more than you,” he winced at his own words, immediately following them up with, “i didn’t mean that.”

“i know,” jisung sounded tired. far more tired than a 12-year-old really should. hyunjin felt horrible. “i know, i’m just- i’m gonna go home.”

“i’m sorry,” hyunjin blurted, avoiding jisung’s eyes. he never apologized first, not to anyone but his own mother. “i’m sorry for kissing him. and- and for what i said. i’m being a shitty best friend.”

“yeah, you are,” jisung rubbed his eyes on the sleeve of his sweatshirt, huffing out a laugh. “i’m sorry too. for- for yelling. and stuff.”

“you didn’t do anything wrong. i was being mean. please don’t leave.”

“i won’t,” true to his word, jisung sat across from hyunjin on his bed, staring down at his hands to avoid his eyes. he always got embarrassed after crying. “i don’t like fighting with you. he’s off limits, okay? neither of us can date him. or kiss him. i just don’t want this to ever happen again.”

an unsettled silence fell over them until hyunjin, a few months older and a couple inches taller and one grade level above jisung and therefore forever one intellectual level above jisung as well, said he had a genius idea. one that would keep them from ever fighting again. even when they were, like, thirty and had married each other like they’d always promised and were growing gray hair, or whatever it was old people did for fun. (hyunjin’s mom let him watch a lot of late-night television, he lived by _the fresh prince of bel-air_ like it was his bible, and therefore knew everything about life).

jisung motioned for him to continue and hyunjin slapped a notebook down on the bed. it wasn’t empty, the first few pages were covered in scribbles and hastily done algebra homework questions, but hyunjin simply tore them out and shoved them into his mess of a backpack. “we’ll make a list.” he said finally, spilling out the contents of his pencil pouch to begin writing on the notebook’s red cover with a black permanent marker.

“a list,” jisung scooted across the bed with about as much grace as a newborn deer, craning his neck to try and read hyunjin’s messy handwriting. “a ‘no kiss list?’”

“it’ll be like a list of everyone who’s off limits! that way we can’t fight over boys, ‘cause if they’re on the list it won’t be allowed.”

“who else is gonna be in it though? it’s not like we fight over boys every day, or something.”

“choi minho,” hyunjin said, absolutely serious, pouting when jisung only laughed. “i’m not kidding! mutual celebrity crushes count too!”

“fine, put chen on the list too.”

“jongdae?” hyunjin gasped dramatically. “you wouldn’t.”

“i would.”

“fine. if that’s what it takes to prove my love to you.”

after an hour, they had their full list, each with their own personal page filled with hyunjin and jisung’s notes about why they were on the list.

“minho, chen, na jaemin, eric sohn, lee felix, yoon sanha, osaki shotaro,” hyunjin read off, pausing thoughtfully. “anyone else?”

“nah. you left space though, right? to add to it?”

“‘course, i’m not an idiot.”

“you are. just a little bit.”

jisung was promptly pushed off of the bed.

  
  
  
  


“seo changbin.”

“as if you would even agree to go out with him if he asked anyway.” hyunjin rolls his eyes but adds him to the list nonetheless.

“i would! he’s a music production major like me, and he’s hot. we have so much in common.”

“sure, but he’s in a frat.”

jisung hums but doesn’t respond, instead flipping through the pages of their notebook. it’d filled up significantly since middle school, they didn’t even have contact with the majority of the people in it anymore, but jisung insisted on keeping it. hyunjin isn’t sure why -- they’d gotten through the past seven years without boys being a problem. but it seemed to make him feel safe, knowing that they wouldn’t let outsiders interfere with their friendship, so hyunjin lets him hang on to it. he’ll probably do just about anything to keep him happy.

“i’ve gotta go, sung. if i’m late to practice again i think yeji might seriously begin to consider murder.”

“deserved,” jisung mutters, dodging the pen hyunjin throws his way. “stop harassing me and leave!”

hyunjin closes his apartment door behind him with an exaggerated kiss in jisung’s direction, starting the short walk to the dance studio with the lingering happiness of spending time with jisung. in the twenty years he’s been alive, nobody has ever made him as happy as jisung. even the few people he’d dated in the past seemed to notice, usually seeming none too surprised when hyunjin broke up with them. it was starting to feel like everyone knew something he didn’t. maybe he and jisung really were ‘basically dating,’ like everyone said. but aren’t best friends supposed to spend time together? _maybe that’s the thing,_ hyunjin thinks. _maybe ‘best friends’ isn’t right. maybe--_

his thoughts are cut off by lee minho’s voice. he hadn’t even noticed he’d made it to the studio. he considers himself lucky he even heard the dance captain start talking, even if he didn’t catch all of it. “he’s my best friend,” he was saying. talking about someone, hyunjin guesses. he almost leans over to ask yeji, but the look she gives him for being late changes his mind. “so if i catch wind of any of you being an asshole to him, i can and will do significantly worse to you. and that _is_ a threat as well as a promise. don’t make me act on it.”

hyunjin’s always been a little scared of minho.

“someone new is joining,” heejin helpfully supplies, catching hyunjin’s confusion and yeji’s disinclination to help. “his name is felix, i think? he’s a freshman, so they usually wouldn’t let him join the team in the middle of the semester like this, but apparently he’s really good.”

 _felix._ he’d just been looking at that name in the pages of the no kiss list a few moments earlier. hyunjin believes in things like fate, but there was no way--

his face was unmistakable, though. his hair was blond now, opposite the natural dark brown of middle school, and his face had sharpened, but everything else -- the heart-shaped lips, pretty freckles, cute little nose -- the very same lee felix he’s bound by friendship law not to fall in love with.

seeing him now, all these years later, hyunjin feels his heart kickstart in his chest and worries about his ability to keep promises.

hours later, jisung picks him up from practice like he always does, frowning at hyunjin’s silence. “did something happen? did yeji follow up on her threats?”

hyunjin considers not telling him. he knows it will only upset him. but jisung can always tell when he’s lying. “um, you remember felix, don’t you?”

jisung side-eyes him momentarily, but keeps his eyes on the road. his grip on the wheel tightens visibly. “lee felix? of course i do. he was districted for another high school and then basically disappeared like some kind of unsolved mystery. why?”

“um… he’s here? he’s on the dance team which- okay, he’s _really_ good. i was skeptical at first because, like, he’s a freshman joining in the middle of the year and he’s lee minho’s best friend. i was thinking it was probably minho calling in a favor. but he’s an incredible dancer. and he’s just as cute as he was in middle school. i might try catching up with him sometime. i dunno. just thought you’d be interested to know.”

“oh, cool, yeah, you should get lunch with him, or something.” jisung’s tone is careful, like he’s trying not to give himself away, and hyunjin can tell he’s very much not interested in knowing.

hyunjin does end up getting lunch with him a few days later, and at least once a week for two months after that. the more he spends time with felix, the more jisung seems to be distancing himself. he can’t tell if it’s from him or from felix.

he has a lot in common with felix. aside from dancing, they find out they’re both dog people (leading them to spend a lot of time together at dog cafes), both like cooking, and were mutually terrified of each other in middle school.

“no way,” hyunjin gasps, his flair for dramatics drawing the attention of the handful of other customers in the little bubble tea shop. felix giggles into his drink and hyunjin thinks his heart may burst. “i wanted to be your friend in middle school so bad, but i thought you might think i was weird, or something.”

“like i said, i thought you were the coolest eighth-grader ever. i felt like a little fanboy sometimes, seeing you in the hallways and stuff. i didn’t know we were going to different high schools, otherwise i probably would’ve gotten my shit together and asked for your number.”

“this is so sad. we could’ve been friends this whole time!”

“we can make up for it now.”

  
  
  
  


jisung isn’t stupid. he knows lee felix is what’s been taking all of hyunjin’s attention lately. he also knows he can’t do anything about it without seeming clingy. instead, he lets it happen.

he doesn’t want anything to do with felix. he’s gone his whole life with just hyunjin, and occasionally jeongin, his favorite little cousin, to keep him company. he’s never needed anyone else. there was no reason to start now.

unfortunately, keeping his distance from felix meant keeping his distance from hyunjin. they were practically attached at the hip now. felix was just as popular now as he was in middle school -- his best friends had come up to ask what was up with him and hyunjin. as if jisung had any idea. he just wanted to eat in peace.

“they’re not dating, are they?” changbin asked suspiciously. “felix would tell me if they were dating.”

“no, they aren’t dating. hyunjin can’t date him,” jisung panics at the idea of having to explain the no kiss list to anyone, immediately backtracking. “he’s busy, i mean. he doesn’t have time to date.”

“uh huh,” seungmin squints at him, equally as suspicious. “they’re so cute together, though, they should- hey!”

he’s cut off by minho walking up behind them, smacking them both upside the head before grabbing their arms to drag them away. “i told you to stop interrogating strangers--”

dating.

they think hyunjin and felix are dating.

_hyunjin would tell me if he wanted to date felix, wouldn’t he? or would he just try to hide it, because of the list? maybe he doesn’t trust me anymore? or--_

“hi. is this seat taken?” quite literally the very last person jisung wants to talk to, next to god himself coming down to take him away, interrupts his self-loathing.

“no,” he mutters to felix, moving his bag out of the way to let him sit. hyunjin was right -- he’s still super cute. it nearly pisses him off. “i’m-”

“jisung, right? hyunjin talks about you a lot. it’s nice to meet you- or, remeet you, i guess. i dunno if you remember me from middle school.”

“i do, kinda. nice to meet you again too, felix.”

jisung wishes he could say he’s lying, but it is nice. hyunjin usually couldn’t eat with him, their schedules didn’t match up well enough, often leaving jisung to eat lunch alone. he spent most of the day alone, really. he tells felix as much when he asks why he’s sitting alone, and it seems like it almost makes him cry.

“i’m not letting you sit alone anymore,” he declares, almost immediately following it up with a quiet, “if that’s okay with you.”

jisung snorts and takes a bite of his burrito. “sure, i don’t care. i can’t promise i’ll be fantastic company though.”

felix just smiles shyly down at their hands where they lay next to each other on the table, a cute little smile that sticks in jisung’s subconscious every day for the next few weeks, making his heart skip a beat without his permission every time felix approaches him for lunch.

he hated that he really couldn’t hate felix at all.

  
  
  
  


halloween has always been jisung’s favorite holiday. when he and hyunjin were kids, they’d always go trick-or-treating in matching costumes. when hyunjin turned 16, he decided he was too old for that. it was kids’ stuff. he and jisung went to a party that year, and jisung hated it. starting the next year, they started staying home and watching halloween movies together. they’d buy each other their favorite snacks and make fun of the shitty costumes they saw on hyunjin’s instagram feed. it’s their thing.

despite not having confirmed their plans this year, he lets himself into hyunjin’s apartment on halloween night. he sets the snacks he brought on the kitchen island, eyebrows furrowing when he hears giggling coming from hyunjin’s room. he peeks through the crack in the not-quite-closed door and has to physically restrain himself from gasping out loud.

he sees hyunjin laying on his back with felix straddling his lap, tongue poking out from between his lips in serious concentration. he has a liquid eyeliner pen in one hand, the other delicately holding hyunjin’s jaw and tilting his head as he does his makeup. he doesn’t know why, but he gets scared. “hey.”

felix jumps, relaxing slightly when he sees jisung, although he’s still tense when he stands up. he’s dressed almost completely in white, his jeans, boots, and shirt -- a crop top, jisung can’t stop himself from noting -- all completely white. he has angel wings on his back, white and sparkling silver, matching the halo attached to his headband. his eyelashes are white too, but his lips, cheeks, and eyelids are shimmering pink. he looks gorgeous. “hi sungie! hyunnie didn’t tell me you were coming with us.”

jisung looks at hyunjin, an obvious question in his eyes. hyunjin is pushing himself off of the bed and crossing the room to his full-length mirror, fixing his hair. he’s clearly dressed to contrast with felix: all black leather and red accents. his long hair is held back with a red ribbon, the same shade as his lips and the glitter felix put around his eyes. a pair of devil horns sit nestled in his blond locks, and a devil tail is attached to his pants in the form of a belt. he looks hot. jisung doesn’t say this out loud.

“he’s not,” hyunjin says. “i mean, he can if he wants, but jisung hates parties.”

he’s right, but jisung can’t help the anger that bubbles up when hyunjin speaks for him. “you guys are going to a party?” he knows he sounds pathetic, but the pitying look he gets from felix doesn’t make him feel better.

“oh, yeah, didn’t i tell you? there’s a huge halloween party going on like fifteen minutes from here at some frat house. i was invited and they said i could bring someone. i invited felix, ‘cause i knew you wouldn’t have come if i asked.”

he’s right, again, but jisung’s control over his emotions leaves something to be desired. “so, you’re like, ditching me for a date.”

felix tenses next to him, and jisung almost feels bad for putting him in the middle of this imitation of a lovers’ quarrel. “this is a date?”

“oh, i mean, it could be…” hyunjin flusters, and jisung doesn’t know what to do other than cut him off in desperation.

“you can’t,” jisung blurts as his hands flail, gesturing rapidly between hyunjin and felix. “he’s on _the list,_ jinnie.” the words leave jisung’s mouth and he’s in middle school again, eleven years old and watching hyunjin kiss na jaemin on the lips -- on the _lips!_ \-- on the soccer field behind the track. his heart clenches and his stomach fills with something hot and ugly.

and hyunjin, twenty and unamused, stares back at him.

“really, jisung?” hyunjin practically hisses, his cheeks flushing a violent pink when jisung nods. he’s flustered and angry and embarrassed and jisung can’t help but think he looks cute. “why are you being such a baby about this? we aren’t in middle school anymore, it shouldn’t matter who i kiss.”

a sharp intake of breath from jisung’s right reminds him of felix’s presence. a crestfallen look distorts his bright features. distantly, jisung thinks someone as pretty and sweet as felix should never have to be sad like that. “i’m- i’m sorry, am i missing something?”

“you never told him about the list.” jisung falters, beginning to shrink in on himself.

“of course i didn’t tell him about the list, i didn’t think we were babies anymore!”

“hey, what list? if this has something to do with me, i want to know.”

“tell him, jisung,” hyunjin admonishes in a voice so artificially sweet, jisung thinks he might be sick. “since you’re the one who cares about it so much.”

silently wishing he would melt into the ground and disappear, jisung starts to explain.

the sad look on felix’s face slowly turns into something cold and distant as jisung talks, and for a moment jisung really does think he might throw up. he expects him to be angry with him, to tell him to stop being so childish and leave so he and hyunjin can kiss, or whatever. instead, he rounds on hyunjin. “were you leading me on?”

“wh- felix, no-”

“if you knew jisung wouldn’t be happy about this, why would you- i thought we had a thing! have we not been flirting, have i been reading everything wrong?”

“i- no, but-”

“i have to go. seungmin’s waiting outside. i’ll tell him you found another ride, hyunjin.” felix says suddenly, and he’s gone before jisung can get another word in. the room is suddenly silent, he and hyunjin looking at anything but each other. it feels like hours have gone by before hyunjin finally speaks.

“why do you have to do that?”

“do what?” jisung is immediately on the defensive, no longer shrinking back and instead trying to make himself seem as big as possible. he knows hyunjin will see right through his defense mechanisms, but it’s all he can do.

“be so- so childish about everything! the no kiss list doesn’t matter anymore, jisung! we shouldn’t have to worry about fighting about boys anymore, why can’t you ever handle the idea of us being in relationships? you know we’re not actually going to grow up and get married, right? you can’t keep living like a kid forever,” the hurt must show on jisung’s face, because hyunjin immediately takes it back. “i didn’t mean that. i didn’t, i- i’m just frustrated and-”

“i know,” jisung says robotically, evocative of their first fight. “i’m… gonna get felix. i know he can take care of himself, i just- i don’t know. i don’t feel good about letting him go."

and just like felix, he’s out the door before hyunjin can get another word in.

  
  
  
  


the party is obnoxiously loud even from the outside, and jisung is dreading having to go inside. he can tell it’s past max capacity; the amount of cars lined up outside forcing him to park down the street tells him all he needs to know.

he’s never been a party person. he’s adamant in his opinion that they’re completely unnecessary, and nothing about them makes up for the ringing in his ears and exhaustion he’s faced with the day after, not to mention the sheer amount of people he has to be close to that he’ll never see again.

parties are so pointless to him. felix is the second person jisung has ever gone to a party for. hyunjin was the first.

he has to steel himself before getting out and walking up to the house. his hands are shoved in the pockets of his sweatshirt, and nobody seems to notice him walking in. exactly what he wants, except --

“han jisung!”

lee minho. “hey, min.”

minho fixes him with a scrutinizing stare. it feels like he’s looking directly through jisung, picking him apart from the inside. it’s unnerving. “who are you here for?”

“i’m- what? i didn’t even say anything.”

“you hate parties. you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t here for something. _some_ _one_ _._ who is it?”

“i- yeah, okay, um, i’m looking for felix.” jisung admits quietly.

“lee felix?” minho repeats, much louder than jisung finds necessary, especially with the amount of people around them. “what are you doing lookin’ for him?”

“none of your business!” he bristles, immediately deflating when he sees the shit-eating grin on minho’s face. “just tell me where he is. please?”

“last i saw he was with chaewon and jiwoo, probably with a few of their friends, sooyoung and the rest,” he doesn’t have to say this, but minho is a passive instigator at best. if jiwoo is mentioned, sooyoung is implied. “in the kitchen, i think.”

women have never made jisung nervous. he feels a significant weight lifted from his shoulders at the thought of approaching felix while he’s talking to chaewon and jiwoo, easily some of the nicest people he’s ever met. not that felix had ever struck jisung as the type to hang around with frat boys anyway (although he had seen bang chan on felix’s snapchat story a few times, but chan was always more of a _guy who was also in a fraternity_ rather than a _frat boy --_ that’s what got him on the no kiss list). “great. thanks.”

“jisungie,” minho singsongs as he turns away, making him sigh and raise an eyebrow in question. “don’t fuck up with him. if you make him sad i will have no choice but to ruin your life.”

minho is gone before jisung can question him. ever elusive and seemingly all-knowing, jisung has half a mind to believe minho could be an ancient deity. or maybe jisung’s slight lack of emotional intelligence is more obvious than he’d hoped. he decides to think about it later.

venturing further into the house, jisung finds that the open floor plan, while being the reason for the unpleasant surplus of people, also gives him a perfect view into the kitchen. he sees felix sitting at the breakfast bar that’s been repurposed into what almost looks like a real bar, speaking animatedly with jiwoo, who matches his energy perfectly.

as always, he keeps all eyes on him. shining so brightly at this stupid party that he’s almost impossible to look away from. everyone watches him as he talks, some unable to contain the smiles on their faces. jisung isn’t sure if the thing squeezing his heart is jealousy or worry.

it takes jisung a few minutes to work his way through the crowd without bumping into anyone or getting something spilled on his favorite sweatshirt. belatedly, he realizes he should’ve changed before leaving. he sticks out like a sore thumb among the drunk, costumed students all around him. felix sees him before he has to push past anyone in the little group he’s surrounded himself with -- something jisung is infinitely grateful for.

stumbling over to jisung, wings slightly askew on his back and mascara creating near-perfect tear tracks on his cheeks, felix looks something like a modern renaissance painting. he manages to look beautiful even swaying under the shitty party lights.

jisung steadies him with a hand on his waist and, not for the first time, he realizes that felix is tiny. he’s taller than jisung himself -- only slightly, thank you very much -- and his overwhelmingly genuine sunny disposition fills up any room he steps into, but jisung has him beat in just about every other way. his waist is small and delicate under jisung’s hand, his nose a little planet among the mini galaxy that is his freckled cheeks. from the narrow set of felix’s shoulders and jisung’s broadness to felix’s lean dancer’s muscle and the biceps jisung liked to flex, even the way they sat -- jisung shamelessly manspreading whenever he could and felix sitting as if his knees being an inch apart would be an inconvenience.

not to mention his hands, soft and slightly chubby like a baby’s or an angel’s (or one of those baby angels, like you see in paintings, or something), and immediately dwarfed by jisung’s own the moment he wiggled his hand into jisung’s. the one that wasn’t keeping him upright, at least.

those tiny fingers that he’s got jisung wrapped around.

jisung compartmentalizes that. pretends he didn’t spend a solid minute and a half staring into felix’s eyes, one hand resting on his bare waist -- that _fucking crop top_ \-- while his free fingers laced with felix’s.

time may have slowed down for jisung, but felix doesn’t seem to notice. he only giggles (and if felix has the hands of a baby angel, he certainly has the laugh to match) and stumbles over a thank you. his breath smells like mango white claw. jisung vaguely wonders what it might taste like to kiss him. he also wonders just how low felix’s alcohol tolerance is if he’s getting drunk off of white claw.

“sungie!” felix has to shout to be heard over the music pulsing through the house but he doesn’t look upset. he looks happy to see jisung, more than anything. jisung starts to subtly walk them towards the door. “what’re you doing here?”

“i’m here for you, baby.” the hypocorism slips out easily, flustering jisung more than it does felix.

felix’s smile twists into confused pout. jisung almost wants to tug him closer and kiss it away. “what d’you mean? i haven’t even been here that long,” felix whines but doesn’t put much effort into pulling away, allowing himself to be led outside. “sungie, where are we going?”

jisung doesn’t realize how much attention they’ve pulled until they’re standing on the front lawn. frat boys -- real frat boys, nothing like chan and his polite dimpled smile that got him on the list -- are eyeing felix up and down and sizing jisung up in a way that is reminiscent of the handful of parties he’s gone to with hyunjin. he’s quickly tugging his supreme hoodie over his head and pulling it over felix’s. some of the boys look away, not before giving jisung looks that make him feel sick to his stomach.

felix doesn’t even seem to notice, too busy burrowing his face in the collar of the sweatshirt. “your cologne smells good. it’s really strong though, am i gonna smell like you now?”

something in jisung’s chest stirs at that. he ignores it in favor of grabbing felix’s hand and starting the walk down the street to his car.

“sungie,” felix starts again, drawing out the vowels in jisung’s name as much as his lung capacity will allow. which is a lot, he discovers. “you still haven’t told me where we’re going!”

“we’re going to my car and then i’m taking you home.”

“i wasn’t even here that long!” he protests, but he’s swinging their hands between them and skipping down the street. jisung mentally applauds himself for having the patience of a saint.

“i know baby, but it’s already late and i- i don’t want you to be alone and upset.”

“you’re so sweet!” he hugs jisung’s arm, resting his head on his shoulder. “i didn’t even know you could drive. i can’t drive. it’s so scary.”

jisung can’t help the smile that tugs on the corners of his lips. something about felix makes him feel impossibly soft. “it’s scary at first, you just have to practice.”

felix hums in agreement, happily chattering on about anything that comes to his mind on the short walk to the car. he hasn’t even tired himself out by the time jisung is opening the car door, helping felix into the backseat.

felix is clearly not content with sitting in the backseat.

he clumsily crawls over the center console and plops himself in the passenger while jisung is starting the car. he fumbles with the seatbelt, giggling when jisung reaches over to buckle it for him. “you’re such a gentleman, sungie!”

momentarily, jisung forgets how close they are. he turns to look at felix and suddenly their noses are touching. neither of them speak, but jisung sees felix’s eyes flicker down to his lips. jisung clears his throat, sits back, and starts the car. out of the corner of his eye, he sees felix turn to look out the window. “i forgot the no kiss list applies to both of you.” it’s dark, and jisung knows he can’t see anything. he knows he’s embarrassed.

“look, felix, i-”

“you know, i always thought you and hyunnie were dating,” felix cuts jisung off. he sounds as though he’s suddenly ready for a serious conversation, bitter and confused. “he talks about you so much. it’s really cute, actually. and i always saw you guys holding hands and cuddling and- and on the friday before my birthday he couldn’t- i invited him to my birthday dinner, or whatever, and he couldn’t come ‘cause he wanted to do something for you. ‘cause your birthday is one day before mine, you know.”

jisung didn’t know, but he nods anyway. he wishes it weren’t so tense in the car so he could hold the single day of seniority over felix’s head. it’s quiet for a few moments before felix speaks again. “and one day we almost- i almost- i wanted to kiss him so bad. we had a partner dance to choreograph for class and it was- the way he was holding me, it was like i _meant_ something to him. and i got so scared, sungie. i almost kissed him but i kept thinking about _you._ i know you don’t really like me that much and i’m- i’m sorry for whatever i did to you. i just- i’d never want to hurt you like that.

“and i told him so. i said ‘hyunnie, what about jisung?’ and he looked at me funny. i guess i should feel dumb for not realizing it then. i remember he said ‘what about jisung? we date other people all the time.’ and i was like, ‘huh, i guess it’s like an open relationship or something.’ but i didn’t say that out loud. i should’ve, but i didn’t. and i didn’t kiss him, either. we just went back to working like nothing had even happened.

“that’s when i started liking hyunnie a lot. and- and we were spending so much time together that it was inevitable i start spending time with you. and i started liking you a lot too, and i felt so shitty because i still thought you two were dating, and i could tell you didn’t like me so much. i remember wishing i could make you like me, ‘cause it would be so much easier that way.” felix is looking at jisung now, pressing his lips together when he stops his rambling.

jisung doesn’t even have time to process all of it, let alone form an intelligent response, but his brain to mouth filter doesn’t seem to think that matters. “what do you mean easier? even if- if hyunjin and i were dating, it wouldn’t matter how either of us felt towards you unless we broke up.”

felix almost seems hurt, but it’s masked by a look of incredulousness. “you know a relationship can be more than two people, right? you’ve never heard of polyamory?”

jisung thinks. the word doesn’t ring a bell. he vaguely recalls what seemed like an insignificant moment from the year before: hyunjin’s now-graduated dancer friend, ten, was waiting for hyunjin to get ready for a rehearsal, sitting at the kitchen island with jisung. they talked idly about this and that, and ten had told jisung a funny story about his boyfriend _johnny._ a few minutes later, when the topic of majors came up, ten said his boyfriend _kun_ was also majoring in music production, and maybe jisung knew him. jisung had chalked it up to a mistake at the time, a recent breakup causing a slip of the tongue. maybe it hadn’t been.

“no i- i haven’t. we should- you’re drunk, felix. we can talk about this tomorrow.”

“i’m not drunk!” felix starts to argue, the sleeves of jisung’s sweatshirt falling over his hands as he punctuates his protest with a pout and slaps his hands against his seat. it’s really cute, and jisung is both disappointed and thankful for the necessity of keeping his eyes on the road when he drives. felix unabashedly stares at jisung’s bare arm when he drapes it over the back of his seat to back out of the driveway he’d parked in. “you have really nice arms,” he mumbles, reaching out to squeeze his bicep and promptly countering his earlier argument. “can i bite them?”

jisung nearly crashes the car.

  
  
  
  


by the time jisung realizes he has no idea where felix lives, said boy is already sleeping peacefully next to him. jisung would never dream of waking him up, not when he looks so comfortable curled up in the passenger seat of jisung’s shitty car. instead, he drives them back to hyunjin’s apartment.

he isn’t sure why he chooses hyunjin’s over his own. he lies to himself with the thought that it’s closer.

putting in the gate code for the complex is muscle memory by now, and he finds himself parked in front of hyunjin’s building before he thinks he’s really ready to go in. he wants more time to think. he wants to let himself actually process every stupid feeling he’s had tonight.

but giving himself time to think means staying in the car, and he knows from experience that letting felix sleep in the passenger seat curled up the way he is will do a number on his neck. so he pushes his feelings down again as he gets out and circles the car, locking them up in the back of his mind as he scoops felix up in his arms and closes the passenger door with his hip.

they threaten to spill when felix’s small hands bunch up in the fabric of jisung’s shirt. instead of letting himself fall victim to his own feelings, he steels himself and starts the trek up the three flights of stairs to hyunjin’s floor. he manages to get his keys out without jostling felix too much, the spare that hyunjin had given him marked with a plastic pink heart-shaped key tag. it’s almost too much for him to look at.

he’s infinitely glad that he hadn’t let his emotional dam break because the instant he gets the door closed, felix is wiggling out of his arms. “i promise i wasn’t faking so you’d carry me,” he says sleepily, rubbing at his eyes with tiny fists and jisung’s heart just about bursts. “i only woke up when we started going up the stairs. i was right about your arms -- very strong, nice to be held in.” 

jisung has never felt weaker. felix turns on his heel to toddle further into the apartment, but he feels frozen where he stands. he hears felix talking to hyunjin in that beautiful, loud voice of his, only a room between them. but he sounds so far away. his voice is muddled, like jisung’s at the beach and someone has suddenly dunked his head under the water. (in his experience, that someone is typically jeongin). _felix thinks my arms are nice,_ he thinks as he finally starts walking in. _he likes when i hold him._

he likes holding felix, he realizes. he would do it forever, if he would let him.

felix has attached himself to hyunjin’s side by the time jisung has forced himself to walk to his bedroom. he’s tucked away against his side, comfortable and looking close to falling asleep again. “i told you it’s okay,” hyunjin is murmuring to him, sounding fondly exasperated in a way jisung resonates with. “i understand why you left. there’s nothing to apologize for, babe.” 

_babe._ jisung thinks that should hurt. instead it prompts him to make his presence known, and he awkwardly coughs as he hovers in the doorway. “hey,” he says finally, refusing to meet either of their eyes. “i probably should’ve texted you or something. i didn’t know where lix lives and, um. your place was closer than mine. i- i should get going.”

“i was watching _hocus pocus_ _,”_ hyunjin’s voice locks him in place. “i know it’s your favorite. if you want to finish it with me.”

jisung isn’t used to feeling so awkward around hyunjin. the way he carries himself is stiff and he sits on the armchair next to the bed as if he’s a stranger. “thanks.” he says finally, and his voice feels foreign to his own ears. they watch in mutual silence for a few minutes, but it isn’t comfortable. it’s tense and unfamiliar. he hates it.

hyunjin seems to share the sentiment. “can we stop being so weird? okay, we had a fight. so what? everything can just go back to normal.”

“what if i don’t want it to go back to normal?” his brain to mouth filter fails him once again. maybe he should get that fixed. they momentarily lapse back into a strained silence broken only by felix’s sleepy grumbles. he’d been quiet enough for jisung to forget he was there, fallen asleep curled into hyunjin’s side. he whines a bit when hyunjin scoots them both over, making room for jisung to squeeze in next to them.

hyunjin’s bed is significantly bigger than his own, but three grown men might be pushing it. jisung tells him so and he rolls his eyes. “just get in the bed, jisung.”

he’d taken his shoes off at the door, and felix is still wearing his sweatshirt, so there’s nothing for him to stall with. he can only fit himself carefully at hyunjin’s other side, hyper-aware of their shoulders touching.

“i think i’m in love with you,” jisung finally whispers to the ceiling, letting it take his words and hold them for hyunjin to retrieve, if he wishes. “you don’t have to be in love with me. i don’t expect you to be.”

hyunjin is quiet for so long that jisung begins to wonder if he fell asleep too. he can hear felix shift and mumble sleepily, completely incoherent. he can see his words, his bold(ish) declaration of the possibility of being in love, about to meld into the plaster. a secret for him and the glow-in-the-dark stars bound by sticky dots of adhesive.

hyunjin does speak, though. his words floating up to rest next to jisung’s, nearly identical and waiting to be retrieved, for jisung to reach up and pluck them from where they lay in the field of plastic, sticky-dotted stars.

“i think i might be in love with you, too.”

jisung opens his mouth. closes it. does this a few more times before he finally manages to speak, his voice coming out weaker than he would’ve liked. but it’s hyunjin. he doesn’t need to impress hyunjin anymore, doesn’t need to worry about being vulnerable in front of him and hasn’t for years. and yet he still feels slightly pathetic when he finally chokes out, “i thought you liked felix.”

he feels hyunjin tense up next to him, hears felix move because of it, and turns his head to see felix with his cheek squished against hyunjin’s chest. he looks peaceful, quiet puffs of his breath slightly lifting his hair where it has fallen into his face. jisung doesn’t think about it, just reaches out to brush the soft strands away from his closed eyes. felix smiles in his sleep, making hyunjin smile in turn, and nothing hurts.

he always thought it would hurt, to see hyunjin letting someone else in. instead he just feels soft, like seeing them together has melted his insides and made them warm and gooey.

“i do like him,” hyunjin finally murmurs, eyes as soft as jisung feels. “look at him. he was so cute in middle school too, when we put him on the list i thought he would never even give me the time of day. it’s kind of impossible not to like him. i love him- as a friend, don’t look so freaked. i love him _as a friend,_ but i think… i think if i gave it time, there’s no way i wouldn’t end up loving him the same way i love you. like… not as a friend, if that wasn’t clear.

“so, yeah, i’m _in like_ with him. but i’m already _in love_ with you. it’s different. when we were kids and we always joked about getting married, i think i stopped joking at some point. like, if i really think about it, i can’t see myself being without you. but i don’t want to be without him, either. maybe it’s selfish, i don’t know,” he sighs, turning his head to look at jisung. “stop thinking so hard. it makes you look gassy.”

jisung gasps in fake offense, lightly slapping hyunjin on the shoulder. “i do _not_ look gassy. my brooding face is sexy.”

“then i guess we know i don’t just love you for your looks.”

“hey! just because you got voted most attractive by your senior class-”

“i was kidding, baby. i think you’re very cute. i love everything about you.”

“oh.” for the first time in his life, jisung is stunned into a flustered silence. hyunjin looks smug, and it slightly pisses jisung off. enough so that he’s prompted to sit up and kiss him, taking hyunjin’s face in his hands and giving him a gentle peck on the lips.

hyunjin’s face is red when he pulls back. “oh.” they fall into a silence much more comfortable than the last. jisung lays back and laces their fingers together.

“i could love him,” jisung says finally. “i- i really still don’t know how it would work. but if it would make you happy, i think i could love him.”

“sung, i can’t make you like him if you don’t. and i would never ask you to force yourself to do that.”

“you wouldn’t be forcing me,” he says in a near-whisper, looking away when hyunjin asks him to repeat himself. “you wouldn’t be forcing me. he’s- it’s like you said. it’s impossible not to like him. he’s cute and nice and… yeah.”

he doesn’t have to look to know hyunjin is smiling. “i figured. you let him wear your favorite sweatshirt.”

“he was cold!”

hyunjin only squeezes his hand.

jisung wakes up the next morning with no memory of falling asleep, his forehead resting between hyunjin’s shoulder blades and his arm slung over his waist. felix is holding his hand, along with one of hyunjin’s, between both of his own. he holds their hands close to his chest, his face hidden in the juncture of hyunjin’s neck and shoulder. for the first time in months, jisung wakes up happy and lets himself go back to sleep. 

  
  
  
  


when hyunjin and jisung officially started dating, it didn’t change much for felix. this was how he’d believed things had been the whole time. hyunjin and jisung just kissed a lot in front of him now. he teased them a lot, and things were normal.

it felt, though, as if they had an agreement that felix was unaware of.

as far as he knew, their relationship was exclusive to each other. he’d seen hyunjin turn people down dozens of times, and jisung never flirted with people when they all went out. but they seemed to have a sort of mutual understanding that flirting with felix was okay.

they both doted on him constantly, calling him pet names and treating him to things, letting him sleep between them and kissing his cheeks when he left their apartment for classes. when jisung first moved in with hyunjin, they even briefly brought up the idea of felix moving in as well. felix couldn’t tell if it was a friendly joke or not, and he didn’t know how to ask without feeling stupid.

it went on this way for months, until it finally came to a head in late may.

“jinnie,” felix calls suddenly, drawing his and jisung’s attention away from the netflix series they’d insisted on binging immediately after finals. the couple sat on their couch with felix draped across their laps, a position they often found themselves lounging around in. hyunjin looked down at felix’s face, brushing his hair out of his eyes as a sign to continue. “am i still… like, do you guys still have the no kiss list? am i still on it?”

hyunjin and jisung share a not-so-subtle look of confusion before he answers. “um, i think sungie kept it somewhere, so yes… but it’s pretty irrelevant now. i mean, the whole point of it was to keep boys from coming between us, and i’m pretty sure we plan on staying together.”

“well, i dunno,” jisung starts cheekily. “without the list, choi minho is free game. i can’t promise i wouldn’t leave you for him.”

hyunjin slaps him lightly on the shoulder, prompting jisung to make kissy lips at him paired with dramatic apologies and proclamations of love. felix pretends to gag.

“why? has it been bothering you this whole time?” hyunjin looks apologetic, and felix is quick to shake his head in what he hopes will serve as reassurance.

“no, no, it’s not that. it’s just… what if i just wanted to be between you? like, i don’t want to separate you or anything, but i want you to stay together and also… also be with me. is- would that be okay?” they’re quiet for a few moments, long enough for felix to panic and start taking his question back. “actually, that’s stupid, forget i said anything, i-”

“you want to be our boyfriend?” felix practically melts at the smile growing on jisung’s face as he starts leaning over. “yeah babe, let’s do it, c’mere.”

hyunjin scoffs and pushes him back, making him pout so intensely that he almost can’t resist leaning over to kiss him. “first of all,” he starts, looking at jisung pointedly. “we agreed i would get to kiss him first.”

“we did not!”

“we did! i got it in writing, ‘cause i knew you would try and argue.”

jisung seems to realize hyunjin has him backed into a corner, because he immediately stops arguing. it’s a few moments before felix realizes--

“hey, wait, what’s that supposed to mean? you agreed on who would get to kiss me first?”

“we’re both really into you, lix,” jisung is uncharacteristically shy, smiling down at his lap where felix’s legs still lay. “we have been for a while, but _somebody_ wanted to wait.”

“well excuse me for believing in the art of romancing.”

“please hyunnie, we’re past romancing, we’re _pining_ now. let’s just all be in love and kiss and stuff.”

“love?” felix hears himself squeak. “you love me?”

“what jisung means,” hyunjin says, slightly annoyed but clearly completely enamored. jisung mumbles a little apology. “we like you a lot. and we would like to date you. both of us. the kissing and stuff would be nice, too.”

“c'mere then,” felix reaches up for hyunjin’s face, his head still in his lap, stopping when their faces are centimeters apart. his face lights up with a realization, and he grins teasingly. “you have to take me off the list first.”

“really?”

“really."

“give me a sec,” jisung gently pushes felix’s legs off of his lap, darting out of the room faster than felix has ever seen him move and returning to the couch with a red notebook in one hand and a black pen in the other. “got it.”

felix grabs for it and he relinquishes it easily, watching as felix crosses his name from the list before flipping to his designated page. “i’ve been in here since middle school? you guys have had crushes on me since _middle school?_ that’s so embarrassing.”

“babe, we’re dating now.”

“i know, but still.”

hyunjin and jisung share a look, something like a mutual agreement before they start attacking his face with light kisses, both claiming a corner of his lips. he giggles as he playfully tries to fight them off, content as they settle into a comfortable silence -- which he breaks rather quickly.

“so am _i_ allowed to kiss choi minho?”

**Author's Note:**

> idrk what to put here rn i just hope u liked it !! esp the person who sent in the prompt i hope it didnt disappoint


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